Tell me about your decision to become a mother.

Becoming a mother was never really a decision for me. It’s something I wanted since I was a child, when at school they would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up. I have an incredibly close relationship with my own mother, and I think that might have set me up for wanting to create that kind of bond with my own child(ren) one day.

In regards to conception, my husband and I had been talking about children for a long time, and we always knew it was something we wanted. The when was the question mark; we would go back and forth. I would want to try and he would say the timing isn't right, and then we would switch. When I did eventually go off birth control it happened very quickly for us, so I suppose it was a surprise, but not in the traditional sense. I don’t know that there is a “ready” (maybe there is and I just wasn’t there yet!), but rather a “ready enough.” My husband and I were in a really good place in our relationship. We had our lifestyle together. We had a place to live. We weren’t going out at night at the same pace we used to. I suppose that’s what ready looked like for us.

What was your vision for your birth?

I did a lot of research around birth. I got a doula—the most fantastic Keely Semler—and I read Ina May Gaskin’s book of over one hundred home birth stories. I took Kathy Killebrew’s wonderful course. I listened to hypnobirthing tapes daily. I really wanted a home birth but decided, after speaking with too many people I knew who had attempted a home birth but ended up with a hospital transfer, that I would try to labor at home with my partner and our doula for as long as possible, and then go into hospital. I think home births are beautiful, but it is just not in my personality to be okay to reroute suddenly like that (of course, birth so often reroutes from your expectations, but the idea of changing physical locations was too much for me). I was aiming to go unmediated through labor. I was blessed to have a very gentle and caring obstetrician, Dr. Joana Tamayo, who was supportive of this desire. We decided to deliver at Verdugo Hills Hospital, a small hospital in the foothills. I didn’t have a lot of concerns about being a first time mother, but I was very consumed by the trials and pitfalls of pregnancy: all of the ailments that can befall someone who is expecting, and the little control one has over that.

INA MAY GASKIN is a pioneering midwife and author whose work has reshaped the landscape of home birth and natural childbirth practices in the United States and beyond. Often referred to as the “mother of authentic midwifery,” Gaskin co-founded The Farm Midwifery Center in Tennessee in the 1970s, a community-based practice known for its safe and supportive approach to birth outside of the hospital setting. Her influential books, including Spiritual Midwifery and Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth, have empowered countless women to trust their bodies, reclaiming childbirth as a natural, powerful experience rather than a medical procedure. Gaskin’s deep respect for the physiological and emotional needs of birthing women and her commitment to evidence-based practices have solidified her role as a respected figure in the home birth movement, inspiring a generation of midwives and advocates for woman-centered birth.

BREECH position refers to when a baby is positioned in the womb with its buttocks or feet down instead of the typical head-down, or cephalic, position. This positioning is quite common earlier in pregnancy, and most babies will naturally turn to a head-down position by the third trimester. However, if the baby remains in breech position closer to the due date, it may pose challenges for delivery.

You mentioned that your daughter was breech—that can certainly be stressful. What was that experience like for you?

I knew Sylvie had been breech. I’m fairly sure she was never actually head down. Because of my thorough pregnancy and birth education, at thirty-two weeks she was still head down, but that’s often too early for concern or for your doctor to even mention it. I decided to be proactive. I did moxibustion, saw a chiropractor (Dr. Shapiro of Cornerstone Chiropractic), and worked with the wonderful Kristina Dahlin (a midwife trainee and specialist in baby flipping). All to no avail. I became consumed. Before this, I was the happiest, healthiest, most comfortable pregnant woman you’d ever seen. After I learned she was breech, I was riddled with anxiety, concerned that it indicated some other issue (Google will tell you babies can breech because of health complications), and did inversion exercises up to six times per day (including crawling like a panther on all fours, wearing oven mitts on my hands and tea towels wrapped around my knees for protection). It was bonkers.

I also looked into switching providers to one of only two in the state who can deliver a breech baby vaginally (it is just not something taught in medical school anymore), but ultimately decided that I felt more comfortable with my original OBGYN. I decided I would attempt an external cephalic version at thirty-eight weeks, though I was told my odds of success were not great.

I started to reflect on the likely probability of cesarean, which I had so feared throughout pregnancy and regarded as the worst possible scenario. I started to come around to the idea, and all its benefits. In the end, I feel so indebted to my cesarean, which really saved me from an actually traumatic birth.

PRESYMPTOMATIC PREECLAMPSIA refers to the early stages of preeclampsia when clinical signs like high blood pressure and protein in the urine have not yet become apparent but where there is a high risk of developing the condition. Early identification through biomarker screening, blood tests, or Doppler ultrasound may help detect presymptomatic preeclampsia, especially in high-risk pregnancies. Identifying this stage is critical, as it allows for closer monitoring, early intervention, and preventive measures like low-dose aspirin, which have shown promise in delaying or preventing progression to full preeclampsia. Early detection is essential in reducing complications for both mother and baby, making presymptomatic screening an important area of focus in prenatal care.

PREECLAMPSIA is a pregnancy complication characterized by high blood pressure and often protein in the urine, typically occurring after 20 weeks of gestation in women who previously had normal blood pressure. This condition affects the blood flow to the placenta, which can restrict the baby’s growth and, in severe cases, pose significant health risks to both mother and child. Symptoms may include swelling, headaches, visual disturbances, and abdominal pain, though some women experience no symptoms initially. Preeclampsia can progress quickly and may lead to severe complications like eclampsia (seizures), liver and kidney damage, or placental abruption. Management of preeclampsia involves careful monitoring, lifestyle changes, and, in some cases, early delivery to prevent serious outcomes, underscoring the importance of regular prenatal check-ups to ensure prompt intervention.

What else surprised you about your pregnancy?

It was certainly a surprise to have my baby at thirty-seven weeks! I went in for my thirty-seven week appointment and was told my blood pressure was high and to go to the hospital to rule out preeclampsia. I called my doula who told me that she thought, based on my conversation with my doctor, that I wouldn’t be leaving the hospital without my baby, and to bring my bag. The house was NOT set up for a baby. I was ultimately told I had early and presymptomatic preeclampsia (I still have few answers about this, so not too much to share here), and that the treatment was to have the baby at thirty-seven weeks which was, fortunately for me, the following day. They planned to do a version and, if successful, induce. Ultimately, I decided to skip the version and elect a cesarean. Another thing that surprised me is how empowered I felt in choosing to have my cesarean. How grateful I was for that option, and how much I loved my caesarian in the end.

I love what you said about feeling empowered by your choice to have a cesarean. I think this perspective is refreshing because the discourse around this procedure can be biased, judgy, or rigid. Could you say more about what your cesarean was like for you and your family?

The doula is not allowed to be with you in the operating or prep room, which was unfortunate. She came to visit us before and after. I think a lot of people think having a doula with a caesarian is a waste of time, but that was really not the case. She was a sounding board for me in all of my choices prebirth, and it felt really validating to have her support considering her experience in the field. She gave me a lot of warnings which were so helpful, like, your partner cannot be with you when they place the epidural. So when you leave the prep room and go into the operating room, you go in alone. That moment was the scariest for me, but it would’ve been a lot scarier had I not known it was going to happen. Then, before the procedure happens, your partner is admitted into the room and stands right behind your head. I had never been in an OR, but it looked like a Stanley Kubrick film—the brightest white you’ve ever seen, and everyone wearing blue hair nets and looking a bit like Oompa Loompas, coming up and introducing themselves to you (I appreciated that part). I think there were around seven people in the room, each with a different role, which seemed to me like a lot. The setting, combined with the epidural and all the adrenaline, was very trippy. Within seven minutes of starting, you have your baby in your arms. I think that is pretty incredible. After that it takes maybe ten to twenty minutes to put you back together, but honestly time stood still during those first moments with my baby. It could've taken an hour, and I wouldn’t have noticed.

“After I learned she was breech, I was riddled with anxiety, concerned that it indicated some other issue (Google will tell you babies can breech because of health complications), and did inversion exercises up to six times per day (including crawling like a panther on all fours, wearing oven mitts on my hands and tea towels wrapped around my knees for protection). It was bonkers.”

I’ve heard that cesarean recovery can be uniquely challenging. How was your recovery process? What did you do to take care of yourself?

It’s hard to say whether postpartum is longer or harder with cesarean, because I don’t have anything to compare it to! The emotional (or hormonal) recovery was trickier for me than the physical, which I didn’t find too bad at all. Having said that, I shouldn’t really be separating the emotional and hormonal from the physical, because they are inextricably linked. I wasn’t depressed, but I felt really scrambled and weak for quite a long time, or “off,” to put it very vaguely. I also think I was struggling with the trauma of my preeclampsia diagnosis and didn’t know what was “normal” to feel and what might indicate that something was “wrong.” I think that’s the trickiest thing: “postpartum” is vague and different for everybody, so it’s hard to know if something isn’t right or if it’s a natural course you just have to move through… I still don’t know! Having said that, time with my newborn was also beautiful, blissful. She was healthy and perfect. I hated talking about having a hard time during postpartum because I didn’t want anybody to think that I wasn’t happy. I was in heaven with Sylvie. You can feel two (or more) seemingly conflicting things at once.

I had heard from friends that cesareans make breastfeeding more complex. While that fortunately wasn’t my experience, my doula had warned me that unless you request against it, you will be prescribed narcotics for the pain after a cesarean. The narcotics can be what causes complications with milk production. I was really thankful to have received that information. The medical field is kind of insane (in this country, at least).

As far as tips to new mothers, I would say to batch cook yourself meals months ahead and put them in the freezer!!! Everybody says to do this and nobody does it, but it would be a life saver. There are lots of meal service plans, but obviously they can be very cost prohibitive. My friends set up a meal train for us once our families had gone back home, which was so lovely. Meal trains are a really great thing to do — if anybody reading this has a pregnant friend, then I’m looking at you!!!

To take care of myself, I loved reading. Mostly fiction, but one theme-specific book I enjoyed was What Mothers Do by Naomi Stadlen. I started reading it while pregnant and it was kind of depressing, so don’t open it until your one to three month old is napping on you! Stadlen is a therapist who works with new mothers, and the book is made up of quotes from these women she speaks with regularly. The book is organized in chapters such as “constantly interruptible.” It’s an honest account of those often invisible days of mothers with their babies. The result is a perceptive, heartening, and validating read. It was one of the few occasions when I really felt seen in the work I was doing at home with my baby.

I was a practicing childbirth educator when I had my first son, and I was surprised by how challenging the postpartum period was—especially how long it took my body to heal. How was your overall experience postpartum?

My postpartum experience was challenging! I had a lot of familial support and I was in total love with my baby. But being a new mother can be deeply lonely, especially if you don’t live near family. Ours visited, and once they had gone and my husband returned to work, my long days at home with an infant felt very tough. I wish more people knew about this feeling before having a child themselves, but I suppose there is no real way to know. I think people tried to “warn” me during pregnancy, but it didn’t help, it only frightened me. I wish there was better education about pregnancy and postpartum in schools. It isn’t only birthing people who should learn about these things—and learning about them in the moment is a bit late! I wish I had known how it might feel years ago, so that I could’ve shown up for the people in my life who had babies before me. I suppose that’s why mothers are so wildly caring and loyal to one another. The coalition of mothers, both close and removed, was a real lifeline for me in that first year. Now when I go visit a new mother I don’t ask to hold the baby. I ask if I can make the mother a cup of tea, and clean the dishes I find in the sink.

A CESAREAN SECTION, or C-section, is a surgical procedure used to deliver a baby through incisions in the mother’s abdomen and uterus. While often planned for medical reasons, C-sections are also performed in emergencies when a vaginal delivery poses risks to the mother or baby—such as in cases of prolonged labor, fetal distress, or complications like placenta previa. C-sections can be lifesaving and offer a safe alternative when necessary; however, they also come with potential risks, such as longer recovery times, increased risk of infection, and a greater likelihood of future cesarean deliveries. Additionally, babies delivered by C-section may face a slightly higher risk of respiratory issues at birth. While modern cesareans are generally safe, it’s important for expectant parents to be informed of both the benefits and challenges of this procedure, ideally discussing the potential scenarios and recovery expectations with their healthcare provider well in advance of delivery.

“My postpartum experience was challenging! I had a lot of familial support and I was in total love with my baby. But being a new mother can be deeply lonely, especially if you don’t live near family. Ours visited, and once they had gone and my husband returned to work, my long days at home with an infant felt very tough. I wish more people knew about this feeling before having a child themselves, but I suppose there is no real way to know.”

WHAT MOTHERS DO by Naomi Stadlen is an insightful and compassionate exploration of the often-invisible work that mothers undertake daily. Through interviews and real-life accounts, Stadlen brings to light the subtle yet profound challenges and triumphs mothers face, often without clear markers of success or validation. Rather than focusing on a set formula for parenting, Stadlen’s approach is deeply empathetic and nuanced, offering reassurance to mothers who may feel that their daily efforts go unnoticed or unappreciated. This book offers validation and understanding, making visible the immense, transformative work of motherhood and fostering a sense of shared experience and connection among readers.

Are you breastfeeding?

Yes, I am breastfeeding! It mostly came quite naturally for us, though we definitely had some challenging moments (for example, for a week or two when she was twelve weeks, she only wanted to drink milk parallel to my body, not across). Another challenging aspect is that she is dairy intolerant, which is different than an allergy because the reaction is less severe and she is quite likely to grow out of it by age three. Since I’m breastfeeding, this means I also can’t consume any dairy or soy products, which is basically any baked goods or processed food, and have to sound like *that bitch* whenever I eat in a restaurant. There are tough moments, like the guilt I feel when I eat something by accident and she gets an upset stomach, but ultimately it improves my own relationship to food and helps me to know exactly what’s going in my body.

My daughter is now fifteen months old and still going strong. I love being able to feed easily on the go, nurse her to sleep, and soothe her when she falls over, though she is wanting the latter less and less. She has actually mostly weaned herself and only really wants milk when she is falling asleep (for her nap and in the evening before bed). As we are cosleeping, if she wakes up in the night she helps herself to more milk and settles back down. Everyone gets a lot of sleep, which I am thankful for. I’m not sure how much longer I’ll go for! Knowing her personality, I wonder if she will stop on her own when she is ready. But we will see!

POSTPARTUM SUPPORT is essential in helping new mothers navigate the intense physical, emotional, and psychological transitions that follow childbirth. This period, often referred to as the "fourth trimester," is when women need a network of care—whether through family, friends, doulas, or health professionals—to feel grounded and supported. Beyond assisting with practical tasks like feeding, infant care, and recovery, postpartum support addresses the nuanced, often overwhelming feelings that can arise as women adjust to new roles and responsibilities. It fosters a compassionate environment where mothers feel seen, understood, and empowered, which is invaluable for both their mental well-being and their ability to bond and thrive with their newborns.

If you could do anything different, would you? Or anything you would say to yourself before you were a mom?

I’d just like to validate whatever your choices are as a mother. At the beginning, there is a lot of information coming at you. Mostly from places of care, people just trying to be helpful. But feel free to tune a lot of it out. I felt insecure about feeding my baby to sleep, as well as cosleeping with her during naps and at night. I understand the concern (and also that this doesn’t work for all families, so no pressure if this isn’t you), but it is SO common and biologically normal. It wasn’t until my friend Carly Peterson told me that she still did it with her son who is seven months older than Sylvie (I believe she still does it now, as do I), that I felt confident in this approach. It sounds silly but I really needed that permission from somebody to trust my own instincts. I’m so grateful to her for being honest with me. Now I feel none of that pressure, so this is me officially giving you the permission to do the same, whatever your instincts are!

Thank you, Kate, for sharing your experience with us so that we may learn and grow in womanhood and in motherhood—in good health, together.

*The opinions and perspectives shared in our interviews are those of the participants, and do not necessarily reflect the views of Welle Women.

KATE CARUSO

Kate Parfet